Reasons to be Thankful

Three days before Thanksgiving, I learned that my 4th IVF cycle failed.  I honestly found it hard to find something for which to be thankful in the midst of my heartbreak.  However it didn't take long for me to realize how thankful I am for the strength, love and support my husband, my family, my friends, my doctor & his practice, my co-workers, an my Junior League sisters.  Without all of them - and you - I don't think I would have been able to rebound as quickly.  Thank you for your love and your continued thoughts and prayers.   If you're wondering why there's a picture of a mule, stay with me....

You are reading this blog for some reason.  Maybe I've struck a cord in your heart and you have a better understanding about what people with infertility deal with.  Perhaps you are considering IVF, have done IVF, know someone who has done IVF, had no clue what all was involved with IVF, or just have some crazy curiosity about IVF....or maybe you just like me and my story.  And that's a perfectly great reason too!  

While I've wanted to add more to my blog, I've felt like my head and my heart just had nothing much to say.  And my funnybone was oddly quiet.  The normal, everyday stuff which I often find so  much humor in just wasn't as funny to me.  I had no stories of stirrups, injections, or earworms laying their song eggs in my head. 

Before going any further, I should explain.  It started as a "Lord, I am so thankful for...." conversation.  I went through my list of people who make my life better and more interesting.  That was followed by how thankful I am for Houston Fertility Institute and Dr. Griffith because I will get another chance to do IVF again using an egg donor - a different one though, and at a greatly reduced cost.  Thoughts wandered to much less significant things that I was thankful for as well - you know, things like the printer actually working when I was in a rush to get out the door the other day, Starbucks' Skinny Carmel Macchiato, that I can order a lot of Christmas presents online and not have to do the crowded mall (or maul) thing that I despise...well, you see where this was going.

And then my funnybone woke up.  It was thankful too....

• Thankful that all of the IVF expenses may be a tax write-off this year!  
• Thankful that even though my body could be in better shape (although, round is a shape) - my uterus is in excellent shape. 
• Thankful that we aren't looking for a sperm donor.
• Thankful that I didn't have any baby showers to attend this last month. 
• Thankful that I don't have to do those horrible Progesterone in Oil injections anymore!
• Thankful that I had a still had reason to have gained weight around Thanksgiving and that it wasn't just me eating too much.  (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
• Thankful that I can have caffeine again!

Looking at the big-picture weeks later, I realize I  have much for which to be thankful.  It's challenging to not become focused on the things I don't have - namely children to take to see Santa, the energy (and the figure) that I did when I was 25, and to be 42 with children going off to Texas A&M like many of my friends do (I have smart friends).  But I do have resilience and am stubborn as a mule at times. (Now you get the picture above?)  And for those qualities, I am very thankful.  Without them, this journey would have long since ended.  No one promised this journey through infertility would be easy.  But I've gotten really good at putting my feet in the stirrups  (though not the kind attached to a saddle) and am ready to mount up on this horse again and give it another go!

Until then, I'll try to post more often - I'm working on my 12 Days of Infertility song next.  Merry Christmas to my Christian friends, Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends - and to eveyrone else - Happy Holidays.  I'm looking forward to celebrating Christmas with my family as we honor the birth of Christ, our Lord.