My Christmas Carol Song List - Lyrics by The Fertility Grinch

Christmas.  It's been said that It's the Most Wonderful Time....of the Year.  A time when Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ....Away in a Manager...on a Silent Night.  Holy Night.  A time when families and friends join together to Deck the Halls and watch Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.  A time when children are told that Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  And, for those who are like me, a time when you seem to think you can do everything in that last week before Christmas. 

As I flew like a flash last week finishing my shopping, wrapping, baking several dozen coconut cake balls, reindeer balls, a coconut cake, a few dozen cookies, along with divinity and fudge (about 15 pounds worth) - I think I must have inhaled too much sugar. For those who have ever made candy, you know how tricky (and sometimes sticky) it can be.  I think my brain even cooked to the hard-crack stage. 

I love to cook.  I especially love to bake and make sweets.  And I love to give these treats to friends and family who appreciate them.  Some people don't appreciate it though and have actually given the homemade treats back to me.   I'm not certain if that's indicative of their devotion to their diet or just poor manners - I tend to believe the latter, but that's a topic of another blog.  Either way, such actions feel about the same as when sugar syrup boiling at 180 degrees splatters on me. It hurts.  To be sure,  those peope will be on my naughty list next year. 

I made one new year resolution in 2011 - to finish more things that I started.  So while cooking this week, I found it an opportune time to finish a bottle of Moscato, some vodka and cranberry juice, and some Bailey's Irish Cream.  I'm not a lush by any means, but those bottles were taking up much needed real estate in the fridge - and I had to do what I had to do to free up some space.  That said, I enjoyed a few hours in the kitchen each night last week baking and preparing my Christmas goodies.  Perhaps I was encouraged somewhat by the alcohol, but I sang Christmas carols (loudly) as I baked.   Traditional ones.  Pop ones.  Parodied Ones...Bob Rivers is my favorite - The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen cracks me up every time I hear it.  Only my dog can attest to how badly I sounded - and fortunately he can't speak.

As I sipped and sang, I thought of the previous few months and how I was like a little girl waiting on Santa to come down the chimney to bring me the gift I had asked for - a real, live baby.  I was a good girl all year (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) and deserved to get what I had asked for.  But then, on Christmas Day, I awoke only to find I didn't get what I had asked for.  The Fertility Grinch had visited my Whohaville...again. 

Thinking about how another infertile Christmas was upon me, compounded by the sugar fumes & vodka, I came up with my own personal Christmas carol song list. I think it's most appropriate that these would be carols because the word "carol" actually means part of the song is repeated over and over.  I know that there's a whole choir of woman around the world who could join me in song.  Some of the titles the Fertility Grinch wrote:

• Here I come a waddling (Each round of IVF has left weight that I can't shake.)
• Do you Hear what I hear?  (I swear the hormones made me a little nutty.)
• All I want for Christmas is a BFP (big fat positive) on an HPT (home pregnancy test)
• Let it Go. Let it Go. Let it Go.  (This is what insensitive people say I need to do.)
• We Wish it were a Fertile Christmas
• Santa (bring me) A Baby
• Still. Still. Still....not pregnant.
• God Rest Ye Weary Uterus

I found myself saying "I'm doing fine" so often after IVF #4 didn't work that I found

"Carol of Intimacy" on Saturday Night Live to be quite an appropriate Christmas carol too.  Fortunately, I will have another chance to re-write the lyrics to my Christmas carols in 2012. I don't expect the Fertility Grinch will be visiting my Whohaville again.  You're a Mean One ...Mr. Grinch.  We look forward to beginning our next IVF cycle in March using a new donor. 

Maybe this time next year, we'll be singing the Hallelujah Chorus.  Hoping that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season!   I'm looking forward to what the new year will bring!  Here's to Hope for a better one. 

A Hunting We Will Go....

Have you ever noticed how men are attracted to big racks? You know the ones that are so huge that you think the poor thing with them is going to just topple over like a weeble-wobble.  I mean seriously...my husband will practically break his neck to get a better look at the big rack he thought he saw crossing the street or grazing in the yard.    What???  I'm talking about DEER.... what did you think I was talking about??  Tsk. Tsk. Tsk....

My husband is an avid deer hunter.  By avid, I mean he lives to deer hunt.  Starting around August he starts planning for all things hunting...purchase of new hunting gear, deer corn, deer stands, when to plow up the food plots and when to plant seed.  Then until opening day of deer season - which is usually the first weekend in November - he dreams of great big racks.  Which, if a that's the worst vice my husband has, then I guess it's not too bad.  That's what my beautiful Grandmother Dorothy reminded me the other day as I whined a little bit about Michael's upcoming hunting sabbatical.  

  

So what does hunting have to do with infertility?  Nothing really, except that I managed to get a laugh out of my husband last night on the eve of his big day.  While #604 and I are the lead characters in this novel, Michael does have a very important supporting role.  Originally we thought that "collection" was going to have to occur at home, and that I would be the courier.  When the nurse told me that - visions of hilarity flashed through my head.  I could just imagine the conversation I'd have with the the police officer as I would be pulled over for speeding trying to get the "collection" to the clinic on time (within an hour).  Fortunately, we didn't have to go that route, but none-the-less, today was the day to - for a lack of a more delicate way to say it - fire.  So - like a good wife who wanted to encourage her hubby to do a good job, I bought him some reading materials.  I even wrapped them in brown wrapping paper (and tied it with a camo bow). 

But perhaps the funniest thing was the articles.  Isn't that why men buy those magazines anyway?  For the articles??  

Check out the main story....sort of appropriate for the moment at hand (pardon the pun). 

Then I noticed one of the sub-stories...about late breeders.  I almost felt like they were writing about us!

Today was a big hunting day of sorts.  Michael's boys went egg hunting.  We will find out tomorrow how many fertilized.  Hopefully all of them did!  I am grateful for ALL the prayers and well wishes. Please keep them coming!  These next few days are critical for the development of the eggs.  

Continue to pray for #604 - that she's in minimal pain following surgery today and for the eggs that are now well on their way to fertilization.  I should get a call tomorrow afternoon with the fertilization report.  My big day is Monday.  That's when they'll transfer the embryo (actually it'll be technically a blastocyst still) into my uterus. 

Until then, I'm on a daily regimen of estrogen and progesterone injections - 1 cc in the butt.  Ouch.  The progesterone is mixed in oil so it looks like something you'd use to saute onions and mushrooms in.  But I don't think it would be nearly as tasty.  I'm thankful that my husband and sister-in-law are expert marksmen when it comes to giving injections.  And let this serve as a warning - whomever I'm with around 8:00pm every night for the next (hopefully three) month(s) will be asked to step up to the firing line to assist. 

And as for my husband, he's ready for Opening Day of the 2011 Hunting Season.  He dodged a bullet with the dates of the egg retrieval and embryo transfer....either of them could have been this weekend.  I'm glad they weren't, because I know how much he enjoys watching those big racks!   And after dealing with my hormonalness (HA!  This word spell-checked as "manliness.") this last month - he deserves it. 

It's Time for the Perfect Cheer!

Okay – so yesterday was Halloween – a day celebrated by fantasy, chocolate, candy and sugar in general.  It should be my type of day, shouldn’t it?   So while most families were preparing cute, adorable costumes for their precious little ones, I had to find something else to do with my time. I resisted the urge to dress up my Standard Poodle (who is way overdue for a grooming) as Mr. Snuffalufagus from olden days of Sesame Street.   Instead, I drowned my desire for such fun times in – what else?  Chocolate.  Dipped in more chocolate.  And then decorated like spiders.  Yeah...spiders. 

Fortunately the people I work with love to eat as much as I love to bake.  Most who start working in my division have gained weight over the years since– some actually blame me!  I can’t help that the only thing I learned to make in home economics before the high school burned down (not due to my cooking!) was desserts.  So I have a sweet-tooth…a mouthful of them, in fact.    At least I share.  (Sometimes maybe I share too much...)

And it was while rolling some 15 dozen Peanut Butter Bon Bons last night for the Junior League Holiday Market approaching this weekend, I thought more about sharing and how thankful I was that I learned to share.  One reason I'm thankful I learned to share is that the thought of keeping 15 dozen of these things at my house was horrid.  

I’m thankful that #604 learned to share.  Because she’s is sharing something so personal with me – someone she doesn’t even know.  Tomorrow morning, around 7:00, #604 will go into surgery to have many of her precious follicles (that contain eggs) that she’s been growing for the last several weeks removed.  Then the eggs will be fertilized and left to incubate in petri dishes.  I’ll get a call on Thursday to tell me how many fertilized and are growing.  I AM SO EXCITED!!!! 

For those who pray – please pray specifically for #604 tomorrow morning.  Pray that her surgery goes well and that she is in minimal pain afterwards.  Pray for the doctors and embryologists involved to retrieve all the mature follicles without harming them and prepare the eggs within them for fertilization.  Pray that fertilization occurs in all the eggs so that we’ll have at least 1 embryo for transfer to me next Monday morning.  Did I mention how EXCITED I AM?? 

For those who are cheering Team #604/Hirsch – it’s time for that perfect cheer!